The Anxiety Wave: Why Avoidance Keeps It Going

Anxiety can rise fast and feel as if it will keep getting worse. In this post, I explain the anxiety wave, why avoiding a safe situation can keep the fear going, and what a slower response can look like.

What does the anxiety wave mean?

The anxiety wave is a simple way to show what can happen when fear is triggered. A thought, place, person, memory, body feeling, or event can set off the body’s alarm system. The trigger can be happening now, or it can be something you expect may happen later. The feeling may be mild at first. It can then rise until it reaches a peak.

At the peak, the body may feel out of control. A person may have a racing heart, tight muscles, shaking, sweating, fast breathing, nausea, or trouble thinking clearly. Beyond Blue lists these as common physical signs of anxiety. The signs can still feel very different from one person to another. One person may feel fear in their chest, while another may notice it first in their stomach or thoughts.

The wave image shows that the feeling does not stay at the same level forever. It may rise, peak, fall, and rise again. The fall may be slow. It may also happen in small steps rather than one smooth drop. The Centre for Clinical Interventions also describes anxiety as a wave that rises, reaches a high point, and then reduces over time.

The anxiety wave is not a promise that every person will feel calm within a set time. It is a way to understand that feelings can change. The Australian Bureau of Statistics reported that 17.2 per cent of Australians aged 16 to 85 had an anxiety disorder in the previous 12 months during the 2020 to 2022 study period. In Queensland, the figure was 19.2 per cent.

Why does avoiding anxiety make it stronger?

Avoidance often works in the short term. A person may cancel an appointment, leave a shop, avoid a phone call, or stay away from a social event. Their anxiety then drops. The relief can feel immediate. This makes avoidance very easy to repeat.

The problem is what the brain may learn from that relief. It may decide that leaving was the only reason nothing bad happened. The next time the same situation appears, the alarm may sound earlier or feel stronger. The person may also avoid more places over time. Their daily life can slowly become smaller without them planning for that to happen.

Some people do not fully avoid the situation. They use actions that make it feel safer. They may keep checking their body, ask for reassurance, sit close to an exit, avoid eye contact, rehearse every sentence, or leave as soon as they feel anxious. Healthdirect says these actions may feel useful at the time but can keep social anxiety going.

I do not treat all avoidance as a problem. Sometimes leaving is the right choice. A place may be unsafe, crowded, inaccessible, or linked with a real threat. A health problem may also need medical care rather than a counselling strategy. The reason for the avoidance matters. I need to understand what is actually happening before I suggest a change.

Does anxiety always come down on its own?

Anxiety often reduces after it reaches a peak, but it may not happen quickly or neatly. Some people have several waves close together. Others stay tense for hours because they keep thinking about what happened or what may happen next.

The aim is not to force the feeling to zero. Trying to make anxiety disappear can create more pressure. A more realistic aim is to notice what is happening and decide what you can do while the feeling is present. A person can still make a phone call, remain in a room, or speak to someone while feeling anxious. Feeling anxious does not always mean the task has failed.

A counsellor cannot rule out a medical cause for physical symptoms. Heart symptoms with chest pain, shortness of breath, dizziness, or fainting may need urgent medical care. I do not assume that every physical symptom is caused by anxiety.

It is also not suitable to remain in a situation that is unsafe. A person with trauma may need a slower and more careful approach. The same is true when there is abuse, violence, bullying, poor access, or a serious health risk. Leaving danger is different from avoiding a safe situation because of fear.

What can I do when anxiety rises?

The first step is to name what is happening in plain words. You might say, “My anxiety is rising,” or, “My body thinks there is danger.” You can then bring some attention back to the present. You might notice the chair under you, the floor under your feet, or five things you can see. You may slow your breathing without taking large breaths. The point is to reduce the rush, not to make every symptom stop.

When the situation is safe, a small planned step may be more useful than either forcing yourself through it or avoiding it fully. Healthdirect describes slowly facing a feared situation as one way to reduce avoidance over time. A small step might mean staying for five minutes, making one short phone call, entering a place with a support person, or driving part of a familiar route.

The step needs to fit the person. It should be hard enough to give new information, but not so hard that the person feels trapped. Repeating a smaller step may be more useful than doing one large step and never trying again. It is also reasonable to pause and review the plan when the level of distress is too high. There is no set pace that suits everyone.

After the event, I suggest looking at what you expected and what happened. You may still have felt anxious, left earlier than planned, or needed support. I often ask, “What did the anxiety predict, and what actually happened?” The useful part is finding the facts instead of judging yourself.

For more detail about the support I provide, you can read my page about anxiety counselling in Cairns. I also offer individual counselling in Cairns for concerns that may sit beside anxiety, such as stress, grief, anger, low mood, or changes in daily life.

What do I notice in counselling and lived experience?

In my counselling work, I often see people blame themselves after avoiding something. When we slow the situation down, the avoidance usually made sense in that moment. The person was trying to lower distress, prevent embarrassment, or feel safe. Blame can make it harder to look clearly at what happened and decide what may fit next time.

I also notice that people can miss the small parts that went well. They may say, “I failed because I felt anxious.” I may ask what they still managed to do while anxious. That can give a more accurate view of the event without pretending it was easy or saying the fear was not real.

As a wheelchair user, I know that not every barrier is inside a person’s mind. I may avoid a place because there is a step, a steep path, poor parking, or no safe way to enter. That is not the same as avoiding a safe place because I fear being judged. I think a counsellor needs to understand the difference before suggesting any change.

My role is not to diagnose every feeling or tell a person to push through. I work with the person to understand the trigger, the real risks, the feared outcome, and the effect on daily life. We can then look at whether grounding, planning, support, or a small step fits the situation.

If anxiety is taking up a large part of your day, counselling is available in Cairns and by telehealth across Australia. You can get in touch through the Strong Foundation Support contact page.

Written by Allan Bunyan, CPCA, counsellor at Strong Foundation Support, Cairns. Allan works with adults and young people aged 14 and over, in person in Cairns and via telehealth across Australia.